What It Looks Like To Run On Zero Motivation

Three weeks ago, I ran into my halfway-through-my-half-marathon-training-slump. I'm sure there is a more proper term for that, but as my motivation for even writing this blog has been less than spectacular I can't seem to think of anything better to describe what I have been going through. I'm not even sure if slump is the correct term.

For the past three weeks I have had an I-just-want-to-sit-on-the-couch-and-take-a-nap-and/or-watch-a-movie-and-eat-everything-I-see-type of approach to my half-marathon training. I think my mind is finally getting tired of all this running.

Every day I wake up and can think of a million other things that need to get done and that I could do instead of going for a run. Yes, my body is tired and yes, I yawn through most days, but if there is one thing I learned from college athletics, it's that I can always push my body physically. I can do the workouts over and over- again and again, breaking my body down only to watch it return more resilient than the previous day. That I can do.

My physical body is not the issue.

It's all in my head.

I have heard time and time again that running is way more mental than it is physical, and to that I say "Hear, hear!", but no one told me that the hardest part of running would actually be the daily process of getting ready to run. My brain has been fighting battles day in and day out against my laziness. So I wish I could say that for the last week it's been getting easier, but sadly it's been getting worse. But I think that after this weekend, I'm now on the up and up.

My longest run so far has been 9 miles. That was my long run from this weekend and let me tell you, it was the worst run I've done so far. I don't think it was the milage that was the problem. I think it was the anticipation of having to do a long run, combined with the poor eating I had done the previous day, and the wind (so much wind!) along with the fact that I'd just rather get this half-marathon thing over with because I feel like I could do it now.

After my long run yesterday, I now know that I shouldn't just do this half-marathon now because I wouldn't be able to fulfill my goals that I had set for the event without finishing out my proper training. Plus, I clearly am having a bad attitude about it. My friend Katie put it perfectly last night at community group: "I feel like I'm just going through the motions and not enjoying the process."

Ding ding ding!

A light bulb went off in my head. Why am I not enjoying the process either? Is it because running is just so darn boring sometimes? Is it because I'm not seeing the results I want to see? Is it because I know I could be doing so many other things than spending my time depriving myself of oxygen, feeling the burn in my legs?

That must be it.

Really.

It is a contentment issue.

It comes down to why am I not content knowing that this is just what I must do for now. Just for now. For a time. It'll be over soon. And if I can truly believe in my heart that there will be a time when I'm not training for a half-marathon (which, duh Alex, duh), then I know I can get excited about what little time I have left before this half-marathon comes and goes just like everything else in life.

In the mean time, I'll continue to put one foot in front of the other knowing that after I finish a run, I have never regretted the time I had just spent, and looking forward to being able to eat all those brownies I'm about to cook for dinner.