My Legacy As a Mother

Just as marriage brings out the best and worst in us, so too does parenthood. One moment, my relationships are rainbows and butterflies, only to find that the not so pretty side of me is rearing its ugly head within my heart and I just want to lock myself in a room away from humanity. (Hopefully) this is a familiar thing to my fellow mothers. Well, we all know that our days are made up of a series of decisions, and in those moments of weakness, as a wife and now a mother I'm choosing to remember the legacy I want to leave in my children.

Now, I only have one child and he is a wee 7 months old, but after many community group studies, women's Bible studies and personal experience, I've come to realize there are a few things that I want to choose to do for my son. I know that if we have a girl, there will be another blog post about a mother's legacy for her daughter, but until then this is coming from a boy mom (mother of a boy).

Every so often, my husband and I do an activity called, "I feel loved when you..". It is a list of 5 things that make us feel loved. For example, I usually write something like, "I feel loved when you compliment me on how beautiful our flowers are in the front of the house". I (pre-baby) spend a lot of time at the store picking out the perfect flowers and then tending to them in our flower beds. I weed the garden, feed the plants, mulch, try to keep the slugs out, etc. And when Hunter comes home and tells me how taken aback he was by the gorgeous flowers in the front, I feel on top of the world - I feel loved. Every time we do this activity, all 5 items are different, and they do change from time to time, but the overarching theme for my items is always this: I want to feel as if I and the things that I do are delightful and a joy to my husband. After reading Hunter's items, it is clear that Hunter wants to be affirmed and encouraged as a man, husband and father.

See, men and women are different (duh.). What I find interesting is that while we know this, we tend to love others the way we want to be loved. Anther example: While I like to cuddle, cuddling is not my husband's favorite thing to do. In fact, there is a long list of other things Hunter would rather do other than cuddle. But, when I try to tell Hunter I love him by cuddling (since I feel loved when cuddled), that does not come across as love - thus, the miscommunication.

That being said (that meaning the fact that my husband [and I think most men] want to be affirmed as a man at his job, at his handiwork, at his ability to be a husband and as a father), I have decided that I want to do the same (and more) for my baby boy.

I want my son to know that I am one of his encouragers.
I want him to know that what he finds interesting is interesting (unless it is inappropriate, then we will have a conversation about it. I am talking about different sports, types of music, hobbies, etc.) and I will do my best to take interest, to research it and to enjoy it with him. If he is good at something, I want to know so that I can tell him so. If he does something around the house to help out (no matter how it measures up to my expectations) I want him to know that he is appreciated.
And I want his peers to know that I think so - that I think he is the greatest. (Ephesians 4:29). Not in a "My mom thinks I'm special" kind of way, but in a "My mom supports me, likes me and thinks I'm rad" kind of way.


And also...

I want my son to know that there is nothing he can do to make me love him less, and there is nothing he can do to make me love him more.
I want him to know I love him because I tell him. Every day. Multiple times a day. I want to tell him every time we say bye on the phone, every time he leaves the house, every time we say goodnight. At the end of the day, week, month, year, life, I want him to know that I love him. I want him to know that if he fails at something, I love him. If he succeeds at something, I love him. No more, no less, just love. Full love.


I want my son to know that he is worth my time, my patience and my affection. 
I want him to show me his art work, tell me about his favorite book, put his thoughts into words and know that I will listen. (1 Thessalonians 5:14 & James 1:19). I want him to know he is important by my attitude and how I respect our time together.

I want my son to know how to apologize, to be humble and to be kind with his words. 
I want him to know when I'm sorry. When I make a mistake or accidentally hurt his feelings. If I do something to offend him, I will apologize. I want Hank to know that I know that I am not perfect (Romans 3:23). I want him to know that too much pride is unbecoming and an inflated ego is not flattering - that pride goes before destruction (Proverbs 16:18). I want him to know that Kind words are like a honeycomb; sweet to the soul and nourishing to the body (Proverbs 16:24)

I want my son to be forgiving, understanding and patient.
I want him to know that when you harbor bitterness in your heart, you are doing more damage to on the inside than on the outside; that resentment eats away at your joy and happiness. There is a time and place to be angry. Jennie Allen says, "God doesn't tell us never to get angry. God's call is that we be slow to anger ... And in doing this we live like God: [Exodus 34:6] ... If Christ, laying down His rights, justified so few reasons on this planet to respond with anger, how many can we justify?". I want him to know that if God can forgive us for forgetting him, our creator, ignoring him and dismissing him, then we can forgive others for their mistakes. Like Jennie Allen says, if we can be  quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (Exodus 34:6 & James 1:19) then we are living like God.


I want my son to know these things because his parents demonstrated them. 
I want our house to be a safe place for learning. A place for our kids to be able to make mistakes and for their humility, embarrassment, and shame to be met with grace, mercy, forgiveness and love. I want my son, when he gets older, to look for a wife that will support him, respect him, encourage him and love him with the love of Christ; who will do the same for their children. I want him to have that example right in front of him his entire life. I want him to treat his wife with love, kindness, and gentleness. I want him to lead and love his family well, with the guidance of Christ. I want him to have that example right in front of him his entire life (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).

I want my son to know the love of Jesus Christ.
I want him to know God because only then will this world make sense. Knowing God and his love and his plan to save humanity through Jesus Christ gives a perspective of the world that is unlike any other. I want my son to know Jesus Christ, because only then will he know true love and true forgiveness and be able to truly love and forgive others.

Even though today, Hank is staring at me with darling eyes and a toothless, gummy smile, I know there will be a time when I am faced with a decision in how to move forward. What kind of legacy do I want to leave in this moment? When Hank looks back on this day, what will he have gained from me?

I hope he will have caught a glimpse of Christ, for Galatians 2:20 says that if I believe that Jesus died for me, taking my place in death for my sins, but then conquered death and rose into heaven as God, then "I have been crucified with Christ and no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me."