Story time: Alex's life change story
Hello again to all our fans! The past month has flown by which means we've been having loads of fun. We have had a few visitors, consisting of Alex's family as well as one of her friends from growing up, Brooke. September has brought a busy schedule for both of us, and we could probably go on for hours (or pages) about what all has happened and has kept us on our toes. We've decided to dedicate this post to Alex's story...
Hi! Alex here, about to give you a little inside look into my life. Usually when we share our stories, we only get 5 or so minutes, or it's on the spot and I don't have time to give the details I want to include, but luckily we have a blog for that! So here goes:
I, Alex, was born in the suburbs of St. Louis, MO and was raised in Wildwood, MO where I stayed until I left for college. Growing up was was both fun and difficult. I was (and still am) the oldest of three. I was involved in so many activities: gymnastics, soccer, diving, dance, horseback riding, karate, piano, violin, Kumon (extracurricular math), PLUS I was a big sister which meant lots of babysitting and fixing Mac & Cheese.
My parents enrolled me in PSR, which I never knew what it stood for, but my way of explaining it was, "Catholic school for kids who didn't go to Catholic school." It was on Monday nights after school. I was taught about the Catholic religion, all the traditions, sacraments, prayers, saints, etc. On top of all the worksheets and work books, there were lots of stickers and candy, which of course I approved of. When I was in 3rd grade (if I can remember correctly) my cousins convinced my parents to send me to Kanakuk Kamps - a Christian sports camp based out of Branson, MO. My second summer I remember going on the Cross-walk (or Cross-talk. I never knew which was the actual name of the evening activity). On this night, we walked through the different stations of the crucifixion of Jesus. One of the male counselors played Jesus, and there was a narrator at each station. They explained the Gospel: That God had created the world and us, but when we sinned we had separated ourselves from God. BUT God loves us and wants us to be able to be with him, so he came up with a plan to save the world from sin - Jesus. Jesus came down as God and man. He lived a sinless life so that when he died, being punished for our sins, he took our place so that we may spend eternity with God in heaven.
I remember just suddenly crying. I wasn't sure why I was crying, but I felt convicted, felt sinful, dirty, and sorry that I had treated God so poorly when he just wanted to love me. I remember hearing my counselors pray and talk to God as if they were friends, so I thought this would be a good time to try that. I wanted to talk to God, and personally apologize for being so rude, and so mean. I prayed to God, for the first time. I asked him to forgive me, to love me and to be my friend. I told him I wanted to be in a relationship with him, I wanted to spend forever with him, and I couldn't understand why Jesus had died so that I could spend forever with him, but I thanked him for it and told him I believed he did what he said came to do. So then, I told my counselor what happened (we were encouraged to do so because that's what they're there for), and next thing I knew they had picked me up and were celebrating with me! I got to ring the bell, which was only for those who had accepted Christ as their savior. It was the most happiest moment in my life, ever. There is another moment that comes close, but that doesn't come until my Freshman year of college.
After that summer, I went home and fell into what I consider, and many will call, the "Camp High." While at Kanakuk I learned to have a quiet time, to read God's Word (The Bible), to talk to others about Christ and to live for him, but at home, I didn't have my Christian friends, I didn't have my counselors, Christian music, or nightly programs to keep me on track. My home life, was just trying to do the right thing until I got back to camp and could "recharge." This was much easier to do in middle school than it was in high school. I hung out with people who influenced what I thought. At the time, I believed that what I was doing was what I wanted and was best for me. I made a handful of friends (who I'm still friends with today), and it was those people that let me be me, and didn't pressure me to do anything else.
Now, being the oldest, and always having someone wanting to be just like me, there was a point when I got sick of always having to do the right thing. Like I was talking about earlier, I just tried to do the right thing on the outside, but after a while I was tired. I started going to parties and hanging out with people who I would have never thought I'd be seen with. And looking back, I was just trying to fill my heart with something. I had been ignoring God and while I could hear his voice in my head and in my heart, I didn't want to. I thought I could make myself happy, and I thought I knew what was satisfying, but truth be told, I was so disgusted with myself that I chose to ignore my thoughts and feelings. I took the whole "what you can't see, isn't there" approach - or rather "What you choose not to address, is out of sight."
Although I wanted to change this going into college, and saw college as a time to restart: to make new friends, to be someone I wanted to be unlike high school, to change myself for the good. Unfortunately, my approach to my sin carried over into my freshman year. I clung to boys, hoping they would tell me I was beautiful and had purpose and meant the world to them, when in reality, that was something I could only find, and can still only find in the Lord. My friends at the time weren't really my friends. They wouldn't have been able to understand the fight that was going on inside me, we couldn't have spiritual conversations or discuss how great God is. Honestly, I hated it. My life was a constant battle in my head. I could feel the pull to be like the world but I could clearly hear Christ's cry for my attention. I still don't understand why we as humans choose to do life ourselves when life with Christ is so freeing, so redeeming and fills our life with joy and ease.
Remember that feeling I was talking about earlier, when I had accepted Christ? Well, I mentioned I felt it again my freshman year of college. That winter break, I went home and promised myself and promised God that I would start over. For real. This time, I would do it right, and when I make a promise to God my heart can't stand to break it. It's always been like that. I have made about 3 promises to God that I have always stuck to, and this was one of them:
I was attending our team's Bible study (Swimming and Diving team of the University of Arkansas) and the girl who was leading it at the time was starting a new job and had to move on. She mentioned that someone was going to need to lead because she couldn't. I heard God tell me that this was it. This is why he brought me to Arkansas. I debated, but I knew there was no debate. I had promised God that I would do what he asked me to do. I spent many nights crying because I didn't want to, scared that I'd be ridiculed and thought of as a hypocrite because my life had changed drastically since a few weeks before. I thought there is no way these girls would listen to me, but God is faithful. Luckily, it wasn't me who was teaching, it was God. He gave me courage and strength and I took a step of faith and became the woman God had been waiting on me to become. That freeing feeling, that joyous feeling, that feeling of no worry because God has control, it was back, and it was awesome.
Elementary school is when I first believed that Christ came to save me, and college is when I first devoted my life to following Christ. My life isn't the same. I no longer feel like I need to be perfect, I no longer feel like I need to be in control of everything. I've realized that everything I have is a gift, nothing is from my hard work, my raising or my natural ability; Even those things are gifts from God. I'm not the same Alex, and there is nothing that could take that joy away from me.
Thanks for taking the time, that's my story - Alex
Hi! Alex here, about to give you a little inside look into my life. Usually when we share our stories, we only get 5 or so minutes, or it's on the spot and I don't have time to give the details I want to include, but luckily we have a blog for that! So here goes:
I, Alex, was born in the suburbs of St. Louis, MO and was raised in Wildwood, MO where I stayed until I left for college. Growing up was was both fun and difficult. I was (and still am) the oldest of three. I was involved in so many activities: gymnastics, soccer, diving, dance, horseback riding, karate, piano, violin, Kumon (extracurricular math), PLUS I was a big sister which meant lots of babysitting and fixing Mac & Cheese.
My parents enrolled me in PSR, which I never knew what it stood for, but my way of explaining it was, "Catholic school for kids who didn't go to Catholic school." It was on Monday nights after school. I was taught about the Catholic religion, all the traditions, sacraments, prayers, saints, etc. On top of all the worksheets and work books, there were lots of stickers and candy, which of course I approved of. When I was in 3rd grade (if I can remember correctly) my cousins convinced my parents to send me to Kanakuk Kamps - a Christian sports camp based out of Branson, MO. My second summer I remember going on the Cross-walk (or Cross-talk. I never knew which was the actual name of the evening activity). On this night, we walked through the different stations of the crucifixion of Jesus. One of the male counselors played Jesus, and there was a narrator at each station. They explained the Gospel: That God had created the world and us, but when we sinned we had separated ourselves from God. BUT God loves us and wants us to be able to be with him, so he came up with a plan to save the world from sin - Jesus. Jesus came down as God and man. He lived a sinless life so that when he died, being punished for our sins, he took our place so that we may spend eternity with God in heaven.
I remember just suddenly crying. I wasn't sure why I was crying, but I felt convicted, felt sinful, dirty, and sorry that I had treated God so poorly when he just wanted to love me. I remember hearing my counselors pray and talk to God as if they were friends, so I thought this would be a good time to try that. I wanted to talk to God, and personally apologize for being so rude, and so mean. I prayed to God, for the first time. I asked him to forgive me, to love me and to be my friend. I told him I wanted to be in a relationship with him, I wanted to spend forever with him, and I couldn't understand why Jesus had died so that I could spend forever with him, but I thanked him for it and told him I believed he did what he said came to do. So then, I told my counselor what happened (we were encouraged to do so because that's what they're there for), and next thing I knew they had picked me up and were celebrating with me! I got to ring the bell, which was only for those who had accepted Christ as their savior. It was the most happiest moment in my life, ever. There is another moment that comes close, but that doesn't come until my Freshman year of college.
After that summer, I went home and fell into what I consider, and many will call, the "Camp High." While at Kanakuk I learned to have a quiet time, to read God's Word (The Bible), to talk to others about Christ and to live for him, but at home, I didn't have my Christian friends, I didn't have my counselors, Christian music, or nightly programs to keep me on track. My home life, was just trying to do the right thing until I got back to camp and could "recharge." This was much easier to do in middle school than it was in high school. I hung out with people who influenced what I thought. At the time, I believed that what I was doing was what I wanted and was best for me. I made a handful of friends (who I'm still friends with today), and it was those people that let me be me, and didn't pressure me to do anything else.
Now, being the oldest, and always having someone wanting to be just like me, there was a point when I got sick of always having to do the right thing. Like I was talking about earlier, I just tried to do the right thing on the outside, but after a while I was tired. I started going to parties and hanging out with people who I would have never thought I'd be seen with. And looking back, I was just trying to fill my heart with something. I had been ignoring God and while I could hear his voice in my head and in my heart, I didn't want to. I thought I could make myself happy, and I thought I knew what was satisfying, but truth be told, I was so disgusted with myself that I chose to ignore my thoughts and feelings. I took the whole "what you can't see, isn't there" approach - or rather "What you choose not to address, is out of sight."
Although I wanted to change this going into college, and saw college as a time to restart: to make new friends, to be someone I wanted to be unlike high school, to change myself for the good. Unfortunately, my approach to my sin carried over into my freshman year. I clung to boys, hoping they would tell me I was beautiful and had purpose and meant the world to them, when in reality, that was something I could only find, and can still only find in the Lord. My friends at the time weren't really my friends. They wouldn't have been able to understand the fight that was going on inside me, we couldn't have spiritual conversations or discuss how great God is. Honestly, I hated it. My life was a constant battle in my head. I could feel the pull to be like the world but I could clearly hear Christ's cry for my attention. I still don't understand why we as humans choose to do life ourselves when life with Christ is so freeing, so redeeming and fills our life with joy and ease.
Remember that feeling I was talking about earlier, when I had accepted Christ? Well, I mentioned I felt it again my freshman year of college. That winter break, I went home and promised myself and promised God that I would start over. For real. This time, I would do it right, and when I make a promise to God my heart can't stand to break it. It's always been like that. I have made about 3 promises to God that I have always stuck to, and this was one of them:
I was attending our team's Bible study (Swimming and Diving team of the University of Arkansas) and the girl who was leading it at the time was starting a new job and had to move on. She mentioned that someone was going to need to lead because she couldn't. I heard God tell me that this was it. This is why he brought me to Arkansas. I debated, but I knew there was no debate. I had promised God that I would do what he asked me to do. I spent many nights crying because I didn't want to, scared that I'd be ridiculed and thought of as a hypocrite because my life had changed drastically since a few weeks before. I thought there is no way these girls would listen to me, but God is faithful. Luckily, it wasn't me who was teaching, it was God. He gave me courage and strength and I took a step of faith and became the woman God had been waiting on me to become. That freeing feeling, that joyous feeling, that feeling of no worry because God has control, it was back, and it was awesome.
Elementary school is when I first believed that Christ came to save me, and college is when I first devoted my life to following Christ. My life isn't the same. I no longer feel like I need to be perfect, I no longer feel like I need to be in control of everything. I've realized that everything I have is a gift, nothing is from my hard work, my raising or my natural ability; Even those things are gifts from God. I'm not the same Alex, and there is nothing that could take that joy away from me.
Thanks for taking the time, that's my story - Alex
.jpg)
Comments
Post a Comment