Registrant's Remorse

I registered for the Bentonville Half Marathon last night at 11:40pm.

I had a hard time falling asleep partly due to the coffee I drank at 4pm, and partly because of nerves.

This morning I woke up and had immediate Registrant's Remorse (similar to buyer's remorse, but clearly for those who have registered for something). This was alleviated when I suggested we go buy new running shoes, because nothing cheers me up like spending big money on some low-key torture devices.

To be clear, I literally do not own one pair of running shoes. We ventured to Rush Running and I was given a gait analysis. I was then provided three options of shoes and I eventually chose these Brooks beauties (Hunter got some Sauconys):

I had my shoes. 

I had oatmeal for breakfast.

I had 20 oz of water with my breakfast. 

I was ready to go. 

Due to an insane cold front moving in, I decided to opt out of the 20 degree misty drizzle and head to the gym to run on a tread mill. Before leaving Hunter made me set a goal: 2 miles. Since I want to be completely honest, I have to say I scoffed in my head and laughed at my "goal" of 2 miles. I know I can run more than 2 miles, but as I mentioned last night, God is using this half marathon to teach me more than how to run. I am clearly in for a lesson on humility. 

I do a bit of warming up and hop on the tread mill. I set a pace of a 9:40 minute mile (again, laughing at this "slow" speed). 

I immediately curse that bag of cookies I ate last week. And the one cookie I had after lunch. 

I feel as if I've been running for ages. I feel as if I'm going to throw up (and to know me is to know that I absolutely HATE throwing up with all my being). I feel as if my legs are going to fall off and my pecs and traps are oddly cramping up. I feel as if I just can not run any further, so I look down: 

.44 miles run. 

I want to cry - or melt into a heaving puddle on the ground and cry. .44 miles?! Not even half a mile?! How have I let myself get to this point. When did I get so weak? Mom arms only get you so far in life. 

I'll let you know I kept running. I ran 1.57 miles at a 9:50 minute pace. I went to do a few ab exercises and came back to the tread mill. This time I aimed for the last .5 miles that would finish out my goal of 2 miles. Spoiler: I didn't make it. I ran .25 miles but at least it was at an 8:30 pace. 

I drove home defeated. I walked in the home and Hunter already knew. He's good like that. He gave me a hug and a kiss and told me he is proud of me. Gosh, I love him so.